I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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