New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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