i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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