My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
