I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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