You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
