Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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