just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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