I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize