chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
