It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
