Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize