Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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