In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
