he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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