The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
