i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
