what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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