very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
