Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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