I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
