i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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