I heard we made out
i don't like sucking hair
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
