I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
