He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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