I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
