I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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