I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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