You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I need moral support for this bender
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize