i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
