We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
