So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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