dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't deserve a penis
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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