If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
