i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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