I just threw up on my dentist
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize