this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
