So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i drank out of a bidet.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
