He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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