Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
