Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
