Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
