Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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