I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
