She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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