dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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