nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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