how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
