You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just had sex on a roof
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
