my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize