but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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