I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
