my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
