i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
