If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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