omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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