maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
