I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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