one two three fourrrrnication!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
