youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
