Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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