see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
