she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
