bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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