I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
