I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Someone signed my nipple.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
